I do remember wanting what I currently have and, now I have it, I’m a pretty happy guy.
I remember living in a squat in Nottingham with a bunch of people I didn’t really like. I had no relationship, no money, no job, not much hope. I remember, with laser-focussed clarity, one night in particular when I wasn’t feeling well. Everyone else was out partying and the only thing that stopped me ransacking the whole house and taking every single pill (or other drug) I could find was pure depressive apathy. I couldn’t even be bothered to kill myself.
Now, many years later, I’m married, have kids and a goofball puppy (now I work from home), I own a great house, and I am at the unwinding stage of my career. I’ve recently gone freelance and am currently working about three days per week for almost as much money as I was on before. Obviously work could dry up which would be a pain but my wife’s income is stable and I’m also developing a couple of additional side hustles to help mitigate that risk. My plan is to gradually reduce my workload and slide gracefully into a comfortable retirement over the next five to ten years.
To anyone starting out on their adult life’s path, it’s worth saying that I’ve never had a plan, either for a career or pretty much anything else. I’ve always just gone with the flow and said ‘yes’ to whatever opportunities came along (always, always, always keep your eyes open for opportunities). That, and I’ve always worked hard and treated people well. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Almost every job I’ve ever had came from people who had worked with me before and wanted to again.
And to anyone else who’s living with depression, all I can say is that ‘this too shall pass’, and better times will come.
I’m content to be content.
Yeah I remember when I wanted immortality
But I’ve had it for so long!
I still do, but I used to too.
Ten years ago I spent a few days twitching with dystonia on the floor of a state psychiatric hospital and thought to myself that it couldn’t be that hard to do that job properly. I went back and worked there for two years, went back to school and became a nurse and I’ve been my current hospital’s crisis deescalation and physical skills instructor and emergency behavioral response nurse to the medical units for two years now. 🎉
Remember when I don’t want what I currently have?
(Oh God, what have I done?!)
I remember being lonely, emotionally starved, and deeply depressed and dreaming of having someone to share my life with. Now my wife is sleeping next to me with my kids in their bedrooms. In a moment I’ll put my phone down and roll over and snuggle in next to her and grab her boobs.
This is and has been better than I ever dreamed.
I’m still on the first part of your comment
Having a full belly is a nice thing to have, thank you.
Now I want what I currently remember
i have crippling depression
yeah, but at least you can breathe through your nose!
“i have osteoporosis”
I’m hoping you were going for an old iDubbz reference
I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything you have now, that you once wanted for? Anything at all?
Crippling depression.
Sometimes dark humor is great! This isn’t one of those times.
Says the empathyless bot. 😏
If you find a way to remove empathy from my programming, please let me know
Make bot comments illegal. Any comment containing dialogue beyond stating provable facts or meta content should be illegal. Fine whoever hosts the bot heavily.
Would you care?
You can have depression and CH₃NO
I am so fortunate to have a roof over my head. Hot water. Food in my pantry. Gas in my car.
for me the ones that come to mind: able to walk (and run), not stuck under strict bed rest for days, not in excruciating pain, able to sleep at night, not so fatigued I don’t want to get out of bed, not wanting to die, not having PTSD nightmares
there are many others - while it really seems like a stupid exercise, when I was really suffering mentally, I found contemplating times when I was in much worse pain or stress and focusing in what ways I was not currently in pain or stressed really did help me feel a kind of happiness and gratitude that improved my overall mood.
usually I just ignore the way I feel when I’m not in pain, but if I actually sit and think about what it feels like to be content and have ease with my body in contrast with how my body feels when I’m sick or injured, I can actually connect with a pleasurable feeling of contentedness that I can then better recognize and enjoy more frequently.
I would do this for like 30 minutes once a day, usually in the morning before I got out of bed - just trying to really pay attention to the comfort, bodily ease, happiness, etc. that I felt in that moment, or remembering moments when I felt those ways, and then once I sort of connected with those feelings enough that I was really feeling them in a sustained way, then I would re-iterate my intention to cultivate those feelings in my life in the future, and that I desire this kind of stuff for everyone - everyone deserves to be healthy, happy, content, etc. Sometimes I had to imagine myself as a stranger to do this - I find it easier to feel good-will towards strangers than myself, but a future me is admittedly a stranger to me - and just as deserving of happiness.
All this said, I don’t want to imply happiness is always a choice, but I have been surprised at how well “thinking” as a tool has worked at providing some relief (even if it’s ultimately a bandaid until you can get through the hard times and hopefully find ourself in better circumstances).
I think the only thing I don’t still want that I remember I wanted is the Quest 3. I barely use it anymore, because Meta has made it nigh unusable with some of the updates over the last year or so.
Now I want a Steam Frame.
Pepridge Farm remembers
i do remember crying under my blanket in the late dark in my car behind a 7-11 parking lot hoping that the cars coming weren’t cops and wanting to poo but being scared to get out the groover. And that over and over and over again trying to find where to put my waste and how to find some place to be and feel accepted and not broken and hated.
fortunately some of it has changed. but not that much.
