“It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.”

That’ll depend on their donations to the “presidential library”…

As always with Trump, every accusation is also a confession.

“Non-Americans aren’t people” is probably the unspoken answer to that. Of course, there’s a large swath of Americans they don’t consider people either.

“As a result of Trump’s tariffs”? Fuck no. As a result of Trump’s threats. He told Canadians their country wasn’t real and that he was going to take it away from them. Him and his followers implied that they’d kill as many Canadians as needed to do so, because nobody gives up their nation without a fight.

You don’t buy fucking booze from people like that.

In this corner, we have The Ruling Party, armed with a Predator drone carrying laser-guided Hellfire missiles targeted from three miles away using IR imaging! And in the opposite corner, we have Jim Jimmy-Bob Roberts, with his daddy’s AR-15, loaded for bear with, yes, three full magazines!

I tell you Sam, I’ve got a good feeling about Jimmy’s chances tonight, he’s definitely got pluck. But before we start the fight, a word from our sponsors…

“This will definitely get me a Peace Prize!”